Relational Trauma and the Effect on Relationships
Relational Trauma and the Effect on Relationships
Blog Article
The term “relational” is often used to refer to romantic relationships. However, relational trauma is much more nuanced and broader than what might occur within the context of a romantic partnership.
Relational trauma can occur within a significant relationship, which can include parent and child, between friends, within the workplace, or between romantic partners. It can stem from repeated exposure to abuse (both physical and emotional), neglect, and/or betrayal within a relationship where there is a power imbalance.
In childhood, this can include attachment trauma: neglect, abuse, or abandonment from a primary caregiver that ruptures a secure bond between the caregiver and child. In romantic relationships, a power imbalance is commonly seen in what's known as a "trauma bond" between two partners, a negative attachment based on cycles of intermittent positive reinforcement (i.e. the "good times") followed by cycles of coercive control, manipulation, isolation, gaslighting, and betrayal. These patterns can lull a person into a false sense of security making it much more difficult to leave the relationship.
When unprocessed and unhealed, relational trauma can impede a person’s ability to be fully present and vulnerable. This can result in significant trust issues, being on heightened alert or feeling hypervigilant (i.e. waiting for the first sign of betrayal or abandonment), or limiting the person’s ability to form healthy and secure connections with others.
Arguably two of the most damaging potential outcomes of relational trauma include negative self-image and poor choices in a romantic relationship. It is very common to see a person who has experienced past relational trauma enter into a romantic relationship where the dynamics of their early trauma continue replaying. For example, a person who experienced significant neglect from a dismissive or invalidating caregiver may find themselves with a romantic partner who mirrors these early experiences.
The effects of unprocessed relational trauma can manifest as trauma-bonded relationships, or with diagnoses of severe depression, anxiety, a personality disorder, or complex post-traumatic stress disorder (cPTSD). Relational trauma creates a perfect storm where a person consistently feels unsafe, unseen, and unheard, which leaves them vulnerable to these outcomes.
4 Signs of Unhealed Relational Trauma
The following four signs are not specific to romantic relationships and are commonly seen in any close relationship where a person has a history of unhealed relational trauma. While everyone is unique, some of the more common signs I see in working with clients with significant histories of relational trauma, include the following.
1. Difficulty Trusting
Many with histories of relational trauma have experienced abandonment and betrayal from people they trusted, leaving them with emotional scars. Trust is foundational for all healthy relationships; thus, when someone with a history of prior relational trauma finds themselves in a relationship with a person who proves untrustworthy, it may reinforce their unprocessed trauma. Report this page